Have a long-form journalism thought? Listed here are some pitching suggestions from Nicole Dieker.
Once you’re pitching a sophisticated story, it’s necessary to present sufficient background data to assist an editor perceive why this story must be instructed.
However an excessive amount of background can bathroom down your pitch, or bury the story you actually wish to inform.
On this pitch repair, we’re long-form journalism
This time, we’re going to have a look at a pitch the place the creator is clearly an skilled on a sophisticated topic—however she wants somewhat assist pulling the story she desires to jot down out of her background data.
Colleen Mondor’s aviation-industry pitch
Colleen Mondor is an creator, blogger, and journalist. She’s written a nonfiction memoir, The Map of My Dead Pilots: The Dangerous Game of Flying in Alaska, and needs to construct her long-form journalism portfolio.
Mondor submitted the next pitch to Outside, Men’s Journal, and Air and Space Magazine however hasn’t been capable of place her story.
What do you assume is holding this pitch again?
Pricey XX:
Within the 90 years since plane first flew in Alaska, the bush pilot fable has turn out to be synonymous with Alaskan life. Vacationers are drawn to tales of mercy pilots and footage of plane loaded with every little thing from sled canines to outboard motors are as a lot part of the state’s picture because the northern lights and Denali. However the harsh reality about aviation right here is that whereas it’s persistently one of the harmful locations to fly on the planet, nearly the entire accidents are preventable.
Alaska averages about 100 plane accidents a 12 months which, over the previous decade, have resulted in 194 fatalities. In 2013 there was a very devastating crash within the small city of Soldotna. That accident made nationwide information as two South Carolina households had been killed after their constitution plane stalled on takeoff. The just lately launched possible trigger report discovered the longtime Alaska pilot made a number of errors previous to departure together with failing to weigh the extra cargo onboard, loading it behind the plane’s center-of-gravity and exceeding the plane’s weight limits. He was additionally killed within the crash.
The investigators with the Alaska regional workplace of the NTSB are decided to succeed in past pilot actions to search out features of firm tradition, flight coaching or lax federal oversight that may contribute to poor decision-making. They’ve additionally joined with representatives of the Alaskan Aviation Security Basis and Plane Homeowners & Pilots Affiliation to focus on particular features of the state’s aviation surroundings and group to have an effect on optimistic change in pilot attitudes and actions. These are the people who find themselves not keen to dismiss Alaska merely as an inherently harmful place to fly and I believe their story must be instructed.
I first labored within the aviation {industry} in Alaska over 20 years in the past, as a dispatcher for a Fairbanks-based commuter. I additionally studied aviation in school and graduate college, each in Alaska and Exterior, and realized to fly once I was 18. I wrote about my years as a dispatcher in a 2011 memoir, The Map of My Useless Pilots. I’ve labored as a journalist and essayist on this topic for years together with the previous three for the Bush Pilot section of Alaska Dispatch Information (the Anchorage day by day newspaper), and just lately in Narratively journal. Alaska aviation is a subject I’m deeply concerned with, and I stay up for writing concerning the people who find themselves attempting to alter the way in which it operates.
Pitch Repair for long-form journalism: State your story
After I learn Mondor’s pitch, I saved ready for the sentence that started “My story will probably be about” or “I’d like to jot down about.” I used to be impressed by the background data and element, however I had a tough time determining what story Mondor was really pitching to those magazines and the way she deliberate to inform it.
Mondor has one sentence that alludes to what she intends to jot down: “These are the people who find themselves not keen to dismiss Alaska merely as an inherently harmful place to fly and I believe their story must be instructed.”
It’s a terrific begin, however I wish to know extra
Does Mondor have a selected particular person’s story in thoughts? Is she planning to conduct interviews for the majority of her research, or is she fascinated with going extra in-depth, maybe embedding herself with Alaska’s NSTB investigators to look at their work—and their challenges—in particular person?
For those who thought “Wait, NSTB investigators? Isn’t this a chunk about bush pilots?” I wouldn’t blame you. Mondor begins her pitch with “The bush pilot fable has turn out to be synonymous with Alaskan life,” main the reader to count on that she plans to jot down about pilots. Once you learn rigorously, you study she actually desires to jot down concerning the investigators who look into why pilots crash.
This data ought to be on the middle of Mondor’s pitch, and the complete pitch ought to deal with the story she desires to inform and the methodology by which she’s going to inform it. In any other case, she runs the chance of complicated her editors and dropping the chance to report on an necessary side of Alaskan aviation.
Right here’s how I’d rewrite Mondor’s pitch:
Within the 90 years since plane first flew in Alaska, the bush pilot fable has turn out to be synonymous with Alaskan life. Nevertheless, many individuals aren’t conscious of the opposite facet of the parable: the quite a few preventable plane accidents. Alaska averages about 100 plane accidents a 12 months which, over the previous decade, have resulted in 194 fatalities.
When these tragedies happen, the investigators with the Alaska regional workplace of the Nationwide Transport Security Board (NTSB) look past pilot actions to search out features of firm tradition, flight coaching or lax federal oversight that may contribute to poor decision-making. They’ve additionally joined with representatives of the Alaskan Aviation Security Basis and Plane Homeowners & Pilots Affiliation to focus on particular features of the state’s aviation surroundings and group to have an effect on optimistic change in pilot attitudes and actions. These are the people who find themselves not keen to dismiss Alaska merely as an inherently harmful place to fly and I believe their story must be instructed.
I’m creating a long-form article during which I embed myself within the Alaska regional NSTB workplace for one month to present readers a clearer image of the day by day challenges and struggles these investigators face. I’ll observe the investigators as they go to crash websites, doc accidents, and work to know the larger questions: What went improper? Was it easy pilot error, or had been there bigger forces at work right here? Why does Alaska have so many plane accidents, and the way can these accidents be prevented?
This text will probably be written in a nonfiction narrative type, viewing the investigators and the pilots by way of a human lens. Readers will end the piece feeling as in the event that they had been there within the NTSB workplace with me, watching coworkers make jokes and discuss their households earlier than they’re known as out to research yet one more accident. They’ll additionally learn the way this sort of work impacts household and private life, and what a profession based mostly on analyzing tragedy does to an individual over time.
In case you are interested by studying extra about this matter or discussing how this story may match into your publication, please let me know.
A bit about my background: I first labored within the aviation {industry} in Alaska over 20 years in the past, as a dispatcher for a Fairbanks-based commuter. I additionally studied aviation in school and graduate college, each in Alaska and Exterior, and realized to fly once I was 18. I wrote about my years as a dispatcher in a 2011 memoir, The Map of My Useless Pilots. I’ve labored as a journalist and essayist on this topic for years together with the previous three for the Bush Pilot part of Alaska Dispatch Information (the Anchorage day by day newspaper), and just lately in Narratively journal. Alaska aviation is a subject I’m deeply concerned with, and I stay up for writing concerning the people who find themselves attempting to alter the way in which it operates.
Mondor’s response
I requested Mondor if she was planning to remodel her pitch based mostly on my repair, and right here’s her response:
That is actually actually humorous. I used to be studying over some pitches at Open Notebook just a few days in the past and I began fascinated with how I buried the actual fact that there have been very actual individuals concerned in my story—the NTSB investigators (and others) who’re so dedicated to altering the statistics. I’ve been so frightened about getting the info straight and making clear that this could not be one other “death-defying Alaska bush pilot” article, that I not noted the numerous human component. (Who’re the purpose!)
And bam—you noticed it too and extra importantly, you made it work.
I’ll possible tinker with this only a bit to suit precisely what I wish to write about however truthfully, I gained’t change a lot. Studying over it once more, I’m realizing how a lot I wanted a second pair of eyes on it. Generally, no shock, writers simply can’t see the forest for the bushes.
I’ll be sending this out by the tip of the week—thanks a lot.
Do you agree with this month’s Pitch Fix for long-form journalism? Once you’re pitching a long-form journalism story, how a lot background data do you embody? What different recommendation do you’ve got for Colleen Mondor?
